Saturday, October 25, 2008
Time for another installment!
Your College Football Announcing Schedule For Week Nine
Let's get started.
"Kansas, right back in this football game." - Andre Ware, after Kansas ties it up. They were only down 7-0 before.
"It's like an Arena Football game, whoever gets the most stops wins." - Dave Pasch
That's not fair to college football, comparing it to the AFL.
"You need a need a short term memory and a resume at the ready."- Rob Stone talking about Big 12 defensive coordinators (via JG)
"He could roll right off the field and into a Halloween party." - Andre Ware, on Tech's Brandon Carter, who wears Mankind make-up under his helmet.
He's dialing up diamonds right now." - Doc Walker on the BC offensive coordinator, BC took the opening drive for a FG. (Via JG)
"You're asking me to remember what happened last week. I can't remember what's going on right now." - Andre Ware, after being asked a question (via RockChalkJayhawk)
"The Badgers with the lead." - Pam Ward, going into commercial, as Illinois is up 7-3. (via StalkingErinAndrews)
"He had too many Wheaties for breakfast" - Doc Walker on a high snap by BC's center (via JG)
"Our AFLAC trivia question, who is the second youngest head coach in FBS?" - Pam Ward
"Let me look in my crystal ball." - Ray Bentley
"And that's the answer...Mario Cristobal." - Pam Ward<
"He's tough to bring down at 214 yds." - Dave Pasch on TX Tech WR Michael Crabtree (via JG)
"That is definitely college football right there." - Andre Ware as the camera man zooms in under a cheerleader who is being held in the air (via Fairplay)
"Nothing is as good as it seems, nothing is as bad as it seems, reality lies somewhere right in the middle." - Lou Holtz, waxing philosophical.
"They've got blankets and comforters out there." - Doc Walker on the coverage of UNC's DBs (via JG)
"Minnesota on the road at Ross-Aide Stadium. For the Boilermakers, it's been more like First Aid Stadium." - Rece Davis, via Tas, who notes he's used this one two or three times so far.
"That's a big hit by Curry in the secondary!" - Dave Armstrong after a sack by Wake Forest LB Aaron Curry (via Anon)
"That's a maintenance pass right there." - Kelly Stouffer after Nebraska completes a pass for first down (via JG)
"They're going to have to sell out against Graham Harrell. You are dying a slow death, but it's death nonetheless." - Andre Ware
"43 yard run by Marve, now the Canes are in marvelous shape." - Dave Armstrong (via Gangsta D)
"[Illinois hasn't] found that back with a hot hand, who can take it out the other end so far today." - Ray Bentley (via Jim). That's kinda gross.
"What are you gonna be for Halloween?" - Doc Walker
"Myself. I'll scare everyone." - Steve Martin (via JG)
"If football doesn't work out for Brandon Carter, and he doesn't wind up playing on Sundays, I got a career for him." - Andre Ware, suggesting the pro-wrestler track yet again.
"You know he's not going to allow the punter to miss him in space." - Dave Lapham, after OU returns a punt for a TD, after the punter whiffs on a tackle. (via mreleganza)
"Hey there, how you' doin'? When did you cut bait on the game?" - Rob Stone
"We left at about halftime." - KU Fan #1
"Way to show support for the team. So, are you looking forward to basketball?" - Rob Stone
"Basketball season can't come soon enough." - KU Fan #2
"Some people are going back. Where are you guys headed?" - Stone
"To drink some beers." - KU Fan #3
"Oh...are we allowed to talk about that or are we going back to the game?" - Stone
"We're about to get Who-concerted out here." - Rob Stone
"Who is this guy over here your husband or your boyfriend?" - Rob Stone
"Boyfriend." - Kansas girl
"So you're saying there's a chance?" - Stone (via Charlie)
What, Heather Mills and Julie Foudy feeling up on him during soccer telecasts isn't enough for you, Rob?
"We're actually double-fisting on Kansas and Texas Tech over here." - Stone (via Tas)
"Chris Crane looking for a friend on the sidelines" - Steve Martin on the BC QB after his third interception, which was run back for a TD (via JG)
"You asked (Central Michigan HC) Butch Jones at halftime about simply lathering up the hot ball carrier." - Michael Reghi, via mreleganza
"When you're up 63 my friend..." - Andre Ware talking when the score is 63-21 (via Anon)
"Time to put some clean uniforms in. Their motors will be running to get some stats." - Doc Walker on UNC substituting up 45-17 with 6 minutes left in 4th
"This is when 5-9 is a disadvantage. 6-5 blocks the sun out." - Doc Walker on the height difference between a UNC DB and BC WR.
JG is now our official Doc Walker Ambassador. He's doing a service for those of us too cheap to cough up for GamePlan.
Also, I'd like to raise a middle finger to ABC because instead of OK State-Texas, I've got UCLA vs. Cal. Oof.
"When you watch Tiger Woods, you're in awe of what he can do with a seven-iron. Watching Matthew Stafford from up here, he's head and shoulders above most college quarterbacks." - Gary Danielson
"That's lazy defense. That's stuff you do in practice. Asher Allen can't do that on third and long." - Gary Danielson, after a flag gets thrown for what looked like PI, but it was picked up.
"Andre Brown hits a stone wall there. It was mano against mano in there." - nameless sideline hack at NC State/MD game, via Anon (I would name him but I can't find that game in AA's schedule)
"Now listen to the crowd. (Quiet). Don't listen to the crowd, they don't follow cues." - Verne Lundquist, after a near INT by LSU.
"[Garth Brooks] has retired more than Muhammad Ali" - Brad Nessler on Garth Brooks
"As long as he keeps singing" - Bob Griese
"He'll sing once a year and everyone is happy" - Nessler (via JFein)
"There's a shot of Norm Chow's forehead."-David Norrie (via 49er16)
"He's 20 out of 22, with one pass dropped. It's sometimes hard to do that playing catch on the backyard." - Brad Nessler
After they showed a stat of how McCoy has not thrown an INT at home this year, Nessler says "And he won't on this play either". That play was a running play. - JFein
"He's got arms down to his knees, and big hands." - Griese on OK St WR Dez Bryant (via JG)
"Knowshon Moreno, he's like a karate expert or something. He uses your force and pings off it." - Gary Danielson
"No more playing it safe! You got to go for it here" - Gary Danielson (before a 3rd and 11) (via Joe)
"As [Quan Crosby] went to the huddle, he said I lost it in the sun. He made such a beautiful catch, though. I don't think he lost it in the sun." - Paul Maguire, who apparently knows more than the receiver who made the TD catch and would know if he lost it for a bit on the sun. And looking at the replay, you could tell he was struggling to find the ball in the sun. (Via JFein)
"Remember, the ground can cause an incompletion."- Ed Cunningham, during a replay review of a completed pass. (Via Ted, who adds a "no shit" for good measure)
Have to make a shopping run. Keep leaving the good stuff!
OK, back in.
"He looks a little hot." - Terry Gannon referring to UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel (via 49er16)
"(LSU quarterback) Lee has thrown two touchdowns...the first was returned for a touchdown on the very first play of the game."- Verne Lundquist (via LSUTigerFan19, who notes that the first one was a pick six)
"Oklahoma State has how many rush yards in the first half, 111 yards per carry?" - Doug Flutie, via Anon
"Oklahoma State, winless." - John Saunders, who corrected himself after that (via SSReporters)
"Down goes Frazier!" as Brandon Minor pancake blocks a defensive end on a Michigan sweep. - Chris Spielman (via Anon)
"He Heisman'ed the umpire to get the extra yards!" Chris Spielman referring to Michigan quarterback Threet using a stiffarm on the Umpire on a draw play (via Anon)
"This is the largest crowd to ever watch a football game in Texas. And they do everything big in Texas so that's saying a lot." - Brad Nessler (via JFein)
Still very pissed that I couldn't watch that game on TV.
"Are those fans saying anything to you as you block their view of the game?" - Bob Griese
"No, they like it, they really like it. They love staring at the back of my head" - Paul Maguire (via JFein)
"He was a general today" - Trev Alberts on Navy player Brian Dobbs who had 4 TDs and over 200 yds rushing (via JG, who notes that the top rank in the Navy is admiral, not general)
"I dont know who's happier, Mr or Mrs Stafford. If that keeps up there might be a little Matthew coming." - Gary Danielson after a shot showing them celebrating a good play by Georgia.
AWK-WARD. More so than pointing out John Parker Wilson's hot momma.
"Still number one by an eyelash." - Brad Nessler, via JFein
"Look at all those empty seats. It's like a Kurt Gibson homerun." - Gary Danielson (via JFein, did he actually say "Kurt" instead of "Kirk"? I was out.)
"When that collection plate comes around, you better put some cash in!" - Chris Spielman, talking about Javon Ringer's parents (Dad is a pastor, Mom a black belt in karate), via Anon
"If you scraped the cheese off those vegetables, I'd just eat the cheese." - Mike Patrick, after Todd's Taste of the Town sent us to a steakhouse, with a 20-oz strip and sides of potatoes and broccoli casserole.
(Todd also loses my respect by ordering his steak well done. Be a man and order it bloody!)
"This is why going for it on 4th Down is a terrible idea when you fail. You turn the ball over." -Doug Chapman during the Toledo-Central Michigan game
"Alabama rolling over the Volunteers of Texas 22-3." - Wendi Nix
"These balls are coming out in a few seconds!"- Brad Nessler