I've come to this ESPN organized press conference on why there should be a press conference on canceling last night's press conference.



(Shrugs)

This happens more than you would think so.

I really don't know how many more of these we needed to have held to be named Titletown Of Press Conferences.

Ladies and gentlemen, the league has just reinstated Don Majkowski, we are now looking at a three horse race.

Jeff: Oooh fuuudge!
Jeff as Adult: [narrating] Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!

I don't know what to tell you. I hate the motherf**ker as much as you do.

My boner is this big just talking about Brett Favre. How can I trade the guy?

Yes, it's Blumb with a B. I have nothing else for you guys today. However, I'm hopeful that Brett will text me something soon. For now, I'd recommend waiting to hear from Mort.

I don't know, I think the brick Aaron Rodgers shat when he saw Favre at camp was about... this big?

What's the point... ESPN will have the story before us or Brett anyways.

Tune into SportsCenter at 11.

Lets face it, I could read the phone book right now, and you'd all carry it live waiting for me the get to the F section.

Alright youtube viewers, i am here with an update on the brett favre coverage. They are still meeting, and this conference will be postponed. This is Kige Ramsey with YouTube Sports.

"I have no idea, ask Wendi Nix." - Ryan "Frosty" Gillon

"Coors Light has run out of stock footage to cut up so..um yeah.. I guess I'm the guy now."

Jeff's answer on how to kill the rest of the night in Green Bay.

Yeah, my name is Blumb, what can ya do, it wasn't my fault.

This breaking news just in: Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

yeah, i don't know who i am either.

So, basically what I'm trying to tell you guys in the media is...may you die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.

Blumb: "I am not sure really. I mean personally I am excited Chris Estrada is the first American in the Trampoline competition at the Olympics, but he has to really pull off a miracle to beat Alexsander Rusakov, I mean, the guys a f**king legend!"

Ladies and gentlemen, Brett Favre has left the building. No, wait, he's back! No, wait, he's gone...nope, he's back!

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!

You heard me right. $200 to the first man the can put me into a coma for the rest of the season so I can skip out on this PR nightmare. Come get it!!

Jerry Tagge announces that he is also returning to his rightful job as Packers starting quarterback, joining Aaron Rodgers, Brett Favre, John Hadl, Lynn Dickey, and Randy Wright battling for the position.

ESPN's coverage of Bart Starr's planned comeback will begin at 3:30 pm Eastern.

Does Brett wipe with his throwing hand? I'm not sure but if you tune into ESPN's newest channel ESBN (Every Second Brett Network), you can find out. If you dont' have ESBN call your local provider today.

The Packers offered me $200 to come out here and cancel this press conference. Had I known they were willing to go up to $20 million, I might have held out a little longer.

Who is this Favre character you speak of?

I love you all this much...

Yes, the stripes DO make me look fat, but my wife bought it for me.

Anybody for some shots of Ranch dressing?

"Since I don't have any new Favre stuff...um....did you know AJ Hawk is married to Brady Quinn's sister?"

Listen, I farted. I'm sorry.

No, I don't know where Ari Fleischer is or when he will be here. All I know is that management has told me that I will be the starting spokesman for the Green Bay Packers. Until that changes, that is going to be my focus.

"I can't believe I'm missing Chmura's slumber party for this shit..."

I consider Brett to be a member of my family. I guess you could call him, "Blumb kin".

(thinking to himself) Ari Fleischer swears to me that this expression always worked for George W. Bush.

That's right . . . the Packers organization has discovered that Brett Favre is indeed a racist, an anti-semite, and also hates children. We've also learned that Brett despises the state of Minnesota. Any more questions?

. . . and allow me to say that I personally feel that article about you was complete crap, Ms. Andrews.

Please disburse... nothing to see here... please,,,

Jeff Blumb responds to a question posed by John Madden about whether or not Brett Favre would share a turducken, watch reruns of "Alcoa's Fantastic Finishes" from the 70s and 80s, and then spoon with him in the Madden Cruiser out in the parking lot.

Sorry guys, we're unable to find Brett's pacifier - so he's a bit fussy...he's currently napping in the crib, so unfortunately there's no press conference tonight.

"Well, if it looks like I'm walking funny it's because I got a dozen reporters up my ass."

Look i dont know why there isn't any ham sandwhiches in the spread.

uhhh yea i know we promised you favre but he was unavailable to come today so Rodgers will just have to do for now

uhhh yea i know we promised you favre but he was unavailable to come today so Rodgers will just have to do for now

yea uhh i was just going to the bathroom

well since i got nothing about favre, you guys want to start asking me questions about coors light so i can be in the commericial?

Dan said...
The Packers offered me $200 to come out here and cancel this press conference. Had I known they were willing to go up to $20 million, I might have held out a little longer.

Aug 5, 2008 2:42:00 PM

that one made me laugh

so were planning on offering brett favre 20 million to stay retire. What? too much? too little?

Ari's going to have my ass for this but...sometimes you just gotta say "what the fuck."

I farted. Sorry. Moving on...

How would I know what his cell phone number is?

The 3:20 press conference has been cancelled. The 3:25 press conference will take place as scheduled.

Why are you on my case? He can't even make up his mind about whether to hold a press conference.

For the third time...I am not Wayne Fonts!

Yes, you could say this is a new twist on the Madden Curse.

And Jeff Blumb thought working PR for the Falcons last year was bad.

"What can i say? Enough is enough!"

Is Farve being traded? I won't tell, your feet smell, ask me again and you can go to hell.

He's gone. What else can I say.

We are sad to report that Ed Werder's nose was so far up Brett's ass that when Brett sat down he killed him.

Luckily Mort was in the kitchen getting another sandwich.

It's a bowl cut. We are saving money to pay Brett the 20 mil.

why am i not wearing a suit? why arent you wearing a suit?

It's the Madden Curse, what more do you want?

Sorry guys, Brett could not be here today. He is in New York talking to Wafels & Dinges about his award:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/43181-br-exclusive-nys-wafels-dinges-awards-favre-its-1st-monthly-waffle-award