Monday Night Football Live-Blog: New England at Cincinnati Pregame and 1st Half

Monday, October 01, 2007

We're back again for yet another fabulous night of live-blog mania as the 3-0 Pats take on the 1-2 Bengals.

Here's what you need to know.....

Spread: New England -9, O/U 54.5

Stadium: Paul Brown, Cincinnati

Weather: 72 Degrees and Sunny

I'll be kicking this off at around 8:15 so I'll see you then, and don't forget Extra P is live-blogging the Padres-Rockies game airing on TBS. Should be a fun night....hope you can join in.

One Game Playoff Live Blog: San Diego at Colorado

Leave your predictions in the comments.

After a GQ piece on Tom Brady......

"Let's just talk Football where Tom is VERY stylish."- Chris Berman

I don't know where else to put this, but on SportsCenter, they have that god-awful studio team with the Parcells and the Keyshawn, y'know. I forget what it's called. It wasn't any good to begin with, but then Tuna said something that shattered a nation's brain. In reference to the quarterback situation in Chicago, Parcells said, "they can't just dial 1-800-QUARTERBACK. Kyle Orton is the last Mohican in the barrel." It's either an incredibly esoteric reference to Bernard Malamud or the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life.- Oops Pow Surprise

Hahahaha. That is so random.

Hey our first Bruce Springsteen song of the night. It's a song called Radio Nowhere.....kind like where that single will be come tomorrow. Hey Yo!!! Start this game already!!!

"That Brady GQ segment was horrible...way to give the genius that is zoolander a bad name"- Noce

Amen. "I've got the black lung Noce!"

OH MY GOD..........I'M NOT KIDDING WHEN I TYPE THIS QUOTE.............

"Patriots Too Much Offense, Too Much Defense, Too Much of an all-around better Golf Club....Ball Club."- Emmitt Smith

Jesus Christ almighty.

"Hi Hank!"- Whores

When the whores introduce Hank it's time to kick this thing off! Who's coming with me?

8:37- Apparently the Bengals are trying rid themselves of all of those pigeons by shooting off Fort McHenry like cannons.

Is it your contention that the Patriots are not, in fact, a better golf club?- Oops Pow Surprise

They probably would cheat to win though.

OH MY GOD. DID TONY AND JAWS JUST SING BON JOVI?!?!?! Good lord.

"Karaoke Night? That was Awful!"- Mike Tirico

Video of that coming soon. Jamie Foxx gets us underway after the break. There's going to be a ton of great video tonight!

"Primary target OCHO CINCO! It's Going to be a shootout in the jungle tonight."- Jamie Foxx

New England gets the ball......Let's do this!

8:45- Hobbs gets blasted for trying to re-break the NFL record for longest kickoff return. Moss grabs a 6 yarder on first. A 2nd down screen to Faulk nets 24 yards and Mike Tirico sounds like someone just died.

They're just baiting you at this point. They must be aware that there's a drinking game that involves downing one every time AA- is horrified, and they're determined to kill every last one of us.- Oops Pow Surprise

They have to be.....

I'm not drinking, I'm doing whippets every time Kornholie and Jaws giggle. Tee fuckin hee.- Hollywood Wags

That sounds like a plan.

8:51- The Benglas get some pressure on Brady and there's a throwaway for the Golden Boy. As soon as I type that Moss is standing alone in the middle of the field for 17 yards.

"Pocket collapses on Griese....er Brady."- Mike Tirico

Come on.....this is too easy guys.

Brady hits the real "White Lightning" Wes Welker for a 1st down pickup on 3rd down. Tony and Jaws freak out about Matt Light making a speech instead of saying actual player's names.

FG attempt for the Pats........

3-0 Pats on the Gostkowski FG.

MATCHBOX 20!!!!!!!!! YES! Rob Thomas is soooooo dreamy.

"when did kevin nash change his name to matt light?"- Dr. C

Great Question! NWO in the house!!!

9:01- Jaws likes Kenny Watson, but doesn't really tell us why.

"He will help them in the passing game"- Jaws
"When you say it will help them in the passing game does that mean overall."- TK

Actually a great question by Tony. I'm shocked. Jaws was very aloof on that statement.

Oh and Cincy is punting after one first time.

"So Neither Weezy, Geezy, or Deezy got to them as it was Adalius."- TK

9:07- Sammy Morris gets zero on first down. Tony goes off on a Randy Moss diatribe. Personally I thought that would come sooner.

A handful of Patriots penalties but them in third and long and Holy Shit!!! A Patriots punt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Hey A Patriots Punt."- Tony Kornheiser
"It's Chris Hanson....not NBC's Chris Hansen."- Mike Tirico

Hahaha....that's actually pretty funny Michael.

9:13- I think the Bengals are going to go to Kenny Watson every play. 3rd and five for the Bengals. Just short on a pass over the middle and the Pats get it back on a punt.

Stallworth catches a pass and then Sammy Morris rumbles his way all the way down to the two! Great run. He fumbles out of the endzone but is ruled down by contact. Marvin Lewis limps over on his crutches and throws the flag. Oh wait, he has a designated flag thrower due to his injury. I want that job.

Long replay here, and it's pretty inconclusive. Tony notes that the Bengals have no Linebackers and I'm just happy that he's providing actual analysis.

9:21- Ruling on the field stands, and there's not really an evidence to overturn the call. Seau and Vrabel are in the game.....

And Seau leads Heath Evans into the endzone.....or not. Looked like he was in to me. Evans again....And NO! Great stop by the Bengals. Not like it matters....the Pats will go for it on 4th if they don't get it here.

Play Action to Vrabel.....TOUCHDOWN! 10-0 Pats. That hurts.

Great job of Jaws to highlight that newly acquired Dhani Jones was on the coverage and Tony kicks in a "Linebacker on Linebacker" joke.

The crew just completely cracks up over some dumb joke that Tony makes. I'm so confused. That's the end of the first. This photo of the Ickey Shuffle will serve as the separation between quarters.......



9:31- Mike Tirico informs us that the Bengals have 17 yards in the 1st quarter, and that's just about how every team in the NFL is going to look against the Pats this year.

Hey, the officials actually throw a flag on the Pats....I don't think I've ever seen that before. Great blitz by Ndukwe and the Pats are looking at third and long. Timeout.

A Bengals Pick! How about that....the golden boy is picked by ex-Wolverine Leon Hall. Welcome to the NFL.

You know what would be great? If the MLB game was in the ninth when this game was at the half. Best of both world.

Ocho Five gets a quick out and takes it to the one yard line.........

PLAY ACTION TOUCHDOWN.....TJ.....I'm going to spell this without help.........Houshmandzadeh. Can I get a confirmation?

10-7 Patriots.....we've got ourselves a game.


"What a talented player he is". Jaws - Great analysis.

Signed,

Joe Theisman

(Via Dummy)

"If Kornheiser was talking about assless chaps on live TV, then that's actually a bonus in my book"- Oops Pow Surprise

Agreed.

9:45- Sammy Morris gets zippy on first down and Suzy tells us that Brady walks on water. Jesus then hits Welker for a first down. Tony talks about Ice Cream and I die a little inside. A completion to Stallworth for about five.

TK does probably the best report he's given about Belicheat working the best players on his team and the production truck provided him with Bill lecturing Seau and Bruschi. Good job MNF.....that's what I/We like to see.

Sammy Morris picks up a first down in Bengals territory, and Tirico points out ANOTHER Bengals linebacker that's hurt. Crazy. They cut away from the game quick again to cut off Tony Kornheiser's point. Good job again production truck.

"..a tape of all of Brady's mistakes." Does this include the new baby pictures as well?- Trot Nixon's Hat

WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!! F'ing hilarious.

9:51- So Cincy is going to try and stop the Patriots with 2 Linebackers.....someone take the 2nd half line. The Bengals go with the first 5 defensive lineman look and have to call timeout.

"Did Kornheiser just say something about "two sore Johnsons"??"- Anon

Of course he did.

The Pats are running all over the linebackerless Bengals, but Joseph stops the Pats on 2nd down.....3rd and 3 at the 7......

OH WOW...............Randy f'ing Moss with one to the prettiest catches from that close to the endzone I've ever seen! Just beautiful......screw you Randy Moss for not playing like this your whole career. You could have been the best.

17-7 Pats.


9:59- Carson Palmer decides to throw all over the field and the Bengals are driving no-huddle.

WOW! Chad Johnson pulls off a sick catch and takes us to the two minute warning. TK leaves the booth.....

"To become a linebacker by the second half."- Tony Kornheiser

Funny. +1 Tony.

"Why are they gushing over the Pats like this? It is just a 10 fucking point lead right now???????? They very good but they haven't played anyone. Sorry SD."- Brett

Sorry Brett, but that's just the way it is with ESPN.

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Chad went over and talked to Coach Cheat at the two minute warning!

Pick by Samuel and the Pats will take a knee.

17-7 at the half Pats. Let's all get ready for PTI at the Half. Ouch Chad and Carson are jawing on the way into the locker room. Not a good sign.

New Thread for the 2nd Half after the break.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 7:56 PM

72 Comments:

Berman sounds hungover.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 7:59:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:02:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:02:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:02:00 PM  

i think keyshawn retired so he could eat as many snickers ice cream bars as he wanted...his waist seems to be ever-expanding

Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:05:00 PM  

Wow where at did you see NE -9??? Can I get a piece of that?

Evan said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:08:00 PM  

We inflict the rest of the world with Tim McCarver.

I feel sorry for the rest of the world.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:10:00 PM  

Evan- It's on Bodog right now.

Oct 1, 2007, 8:11:00 PM  

Thanks, -9 is ridiculous. Cincinnati is worth a small bet tonight.

Evan said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:12:00 PM  

I don't know where else to put this, but on SportsCenter, they have that god-awful studio team with the Parcells and the Keyshawn, y'know. I forget what it's called. It wasn't any good to begin with, but then Tuna said something that shattered a nation's brain. In reference to the quarterback situation in Chicago, Parcells said, "they can't just dial 1-800-QUARTERBACK. Kyle Orton is the last Mohican in the barrel." It's either an incredibly esoteric reference to Bernard Malamud or the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life.

Oct 1, 2007, 8:14:00 PM  

You never got your Mohicans out of a barrel?

Jeez man.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:16:00 PM  

that Brady GQ segment was horrible...way to give the genius that is zoolander a bad name

Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:18:00 PM  

they're crowning Brady's ass already.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:20:00 PM  

God help us if Tom Jackson ever decides Tom Brady's "just having fun out there."

Oct 1, 2007, 8:22:00 PM  

Teddy Bruschi is SOLIT!

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:23:00 PM  

is there a way to leave the comment box open and not have to hit refresh every other minute? sorry AA i'm switching back and forth from the rockies game blog to the MNF

Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:24:00 PM  

Stu's eyeball is in midseason form

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:28:00 PM  

Dunno about that Noce. Open Both posts in their own windows and open two comment windows.

Oct 1, 2007, 8:29:00 PM  

The Patriots are a better all around golf club.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:29:00 PM  

Is it your contention that the Patriots are not, in fact, a better golf club?

Oct 1, 2007, 8:33:00 PM  

espn taking a page out of south park with the crappy animation in TK's pregame monolouge

Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:35:00 PM  

See, Emmitt was talkin about how SOLIT Tetty Brewski was and almost said the Patriots are the all around better gold club.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:36:00 PM  

He also said they were a better sams club

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:39:00 PM  

They're just baiting you at this point. They must be aware that there's a drinking game that involves downing one every time AA- is horrified, and they're determined to kill every last one of us.

Oct 1, 2007, 8:39:00 PM  

hahahaha that was so bad...almost worth missing the kickoff to rewind and laugh some more

Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:41:00 PM  

I'm not drinking, I'm doing whippets every time Kornholie and Jaws giggle.

Tee fuckin hee.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:42:00 PM  

i think they just pulled the plug on TK and cut to commercial after that last bad comment

Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:44:00 PM  

I love hearing Tirico say ""junudum dquwenukqwe".

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:45:00 PM  

when did kevin nash change his name to matt light?

Dr. C said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:49:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. C said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:49:00 PM  

somebody should find out what Glen Humplick is up to these days - he'd be exponentially better than TK

Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:53:00 PM  

Bill Bergey would be better than Jaws.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 8:59:00 PM  

Tirico's reading Extra P's comments on AA in between commercials with the Chris Hansen reference

Dr. C said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:04:00 PM  

whats worse, every player adding the pretentious 'THE' to their school name in player intros, or some douchebag repeating that it is in fact monday night over and over without mentioning the players at all.

worst player intro ever, im turning back to baseball

Mike Georger said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:05:00 PM  

great 'to catch a predator' reference Tirico

Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:06:00 PM  

specialized labor, something you've obviously never participated in, Tony

Dr. C said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:13:00 PM  

uuhuhuhhuhhuHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

the Bengals are placing an ad for more linebackers.

uhuhuhuhuHHAHAHAAHAAH

Even Jaws didn't laugh at that Borscht Belt horsemanure.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:16:00 PM  

not good when the # of bengal linebackers equals the # of marvin lewis crutches

Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:16:00 PM  

jaws makes sure to pat his own back for the dhani jones comment prior to the td

Dr. C said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:19:00 PM  

Jeez. Tony.

Fag jokes. That was bizarre.

HAHAAHAAAHAAA AAAA AAAA AAAA AAAA

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:20:00 PM  

"What a talented player he is". Jaws - Great analysis.

Signed,

Joe Theisman

Dummy said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:23:00 PM  

hahahah wonderful throw from michele tafoya to jaws...not knowing what to say about the randy moss report, he simply states: what a terrific player he is. talk about awkward

Dr. C said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:23:00 PM  

Just turned over from the baseball game (game that is important)....So how many references to Brady's looks so far? I know ESPN hasn't let me down right?

Brett

Anonymous said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:28:00 PM  

Kornhole complemented him on his looks.

Then it got a little weird and uncomfortable.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:30:00 PM  

Kornhole is definately a crossdresser...I'd put the mortgage on it.

dummy said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:32:00 PM  

Korny and Marv Albert...two ugly peas in a pod, with a red ballgag.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:33:00 PM  

I see I am missing alot. Hard hitting analysis from Disney.

Hey AA which is worse, Jaws drooling of Brady or everything Philly from the MNF 2 weeks ago lastweek?


Brett

Anonymous said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:33:00 PM  

Steve Levy looked like someone was pleasuring him under the desk while he was doing that Sportscenter 30 at 30. He just seemed giddy. Chill, dude.

Thermocaster said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:33:00 PM  

lmao Hollywood...don't forget the buttless chaps and cowboy boots that Kornhole said he we wore in Nashville on PTI

dummy said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:35:00 PM  

TJ Hoshemazode. Lock it up.

Oct 1, 2007, 9:36:00 PM  

If Kornheiser was talking about assless chaps on live TV, then that's actually a bonus in my book.

Oct 1, 2007, 9:38:00 PM  

Rockies are up 6-5!!!!!!!!!!

dummy said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:38:00 PM  

we might have to add you in that pod hollywood was talking about, oops.

dummy said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:39:00 PM  

That leaves a nasty image, doesn't it.

The Gimp.

I'll try to stay away from the obviously deranged sexuality of Tony Korny.

Someone beats his ass weekly.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:39:00 PM  

Great, Suzy with ANOTHER long winded stupid story.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:40:00 PM  

"..a tape of all of Brady's mistakes."

Does this include the new baby pictures as well?

Trot Nixon's Hat said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:40:00 PM  

Tony talking about players LOVING getting beat on by Belechick. Sublimation.

Tony talking about a "team dynamic".

Has he EVER played a sport? Anything, badminton...checkers...

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:42:00 PM  

LOL!!! Damn that was funny Trot...

Brett

Anonymous said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:42:00 PM  

Now THAT's funny, trot.

Oct 1, 2007, 9:43:00 PM  

Korny is just a creepy weirdo.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:44:00 PM  

a johnson from cincinatti goes down - seriously how many johnson's do they have on the team?

Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:44:00 PM  

Did Kornheiser just say something about "two sore Johnsons"??

Anonymous said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:47:00 PM  

That intro on the Patriots was just embarrassing. Nothing illustrates how irrelevent Monday Night Football has become in the wake of Football Night in America. NBC has already beaten this Videogate into the ground with intelligent commentary from Cris Collinsworth, and Monday Night Football has Tony Kornheiser singing Bon Jovi songs. Wow, that was painful to watch.

NFL Adam said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:51:00 PM  

why are they gushing over the Pats like this? It is just a 10 fucking point lead right now???????? They very good but they haven't played anyone. Sorry SD.

Brett

Anonymous said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:53:00 PM  

Yea Kornhole, you'll become a come on a linebacker...

dummy said...
Oct 1, 2007, 9:56:00 PM  

dummy: uh... what?

Oct 1, 2007, 9:58:00 PM  

That must've been the Tequila talking....

dummy said...
Oct 1, 2007, 10:01:00 PM  

Screw Chris Berman...I watching the Hills

The Chemical Brother said...
Oct 1, 2007, 10:03:00 PM  

tk and wilbon are doing their best madden..too bad caliendo can't be two people at the same time

Dr. C said...
Oct 1, 2007, 10:07:00 PM  

dr. c...he can; he did the whole Seinfeld cast.

dummy said...
Oct 1, 2007, 10:08:00 PM  

haven't seen that one..I'll have to check into that

Dr. C said...
Oct 1, 2007, 10:09:00 PM  

why aren't the bengals blitzing more often? they have no linebackers to cover anybody so why are they even trying?

Noce said...
Oct 1, 2007, 10:28:00 PM  

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