SNF Live-Blog: SD-NE, 2nd Quarter

Sunday, September 16, 2007

NE at the 45, and Sammy Morris is pounding it to the 39 yard line of SD. Morris gets two more on another carry.

I know I said this last week, but I can't believe just how much Bionic Woman looks like it's going to suck. Thanks, NBC.

Donte Stallworth drops the pass, but SD gets called for a helmet-to-helmet hit on Brady, and it's first down for the Pats right now. Look, I understand protecting the QB, but it wasn't that fucking late. If you want, let's just put the QB in the non-contact jersey (some would joke that we should put him in a dress.)

Brady gets sacked by Mr. Lights Out himself, and falls on the ball. Next play is a strike to Moss to set up a 3rd and 2. And we have our first Brady/Joe Montana comparison, as we go to Devo's "Whip It" for the break.

The Gameplan looks like the worst movie with even a remote association with football EVER. Didn't we destroy the idea of the Rock as an actor a while back?

Oh, I get it. So we get montages about Brady, now Moss, and probably Wes Welker's next. Brady QB sneaks in SD territory, and it's a first down at the Charger 13. Sammy Morris gets stuffed, and where's Kool-Aid?

Jabar Gaffney is still on the Pats? I thought Chairman Hobo had all non-new wide receivers "disappeared." Anyway, good for him, he gets a catch, and the Gigantosaur (Merriman) stuffs Morris again. Gostkowski kicks it up and good for a 17-0 Pats lead.

Thanks to another Anon for noting the last bump was a Boston song. I don't recognize anything of theirs that isn't "More Than a Feeling." Sprowles gets mangled on the kickoff return, and we're doing more Candid Camera talk up here about where the video cams were located. Yawn. SD on offense again, and LDT runs, but this flag is probably offensive holding.

It's not. Eddie Guns explains, "It was not a hold. The defender was just overpowered."

Betcha that defender is probably glad Eddie Guns didn't mention him by number. He just got called out on national TV.

LDT gets stuffed on 3rd and 1 by the NE defense, and WE HAVE NORV FACE, PEOPLE!

I guess all these Cialis commercials means they know Wade Wilson is watching. - Dummy

+1 to you.

Oh, fuck this stupid ad already. Like an iPod Nano can have a video screen big enough to make it worth a damn. Goddamnit. Merriman has two sacks already and I left him on the bench today in the News League (we drafted a couple of individual D players each in the league.) Watson catches it for 13 on 3rd and 20, and here comes the punt team.

NFL "frequency coordinators." Gag me with a spoon. I care, really I do.

Oh, Christ. "Secret Agent Man." Who didn't see that one coming?

after every shawne merriman sack, steven jackson should come out of nowhere and start running the other way. - Lozo

Agreed.

Damn they put the star of "Chuck" up in the upperdeck. They must not have hopes for that show. - AA

Zach Levi, the star of Chuck, another douche getting pretend beat up by skinny women. Doesn't quite have the cache of, LEE MAJORS STAR OF THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN. - hollywood wags

What could, Wags? What could?

Rivers hurls it to Jackson from his own 32, and we've got a first down for SD. Hobbs smacks Buster Davis (rookie from LSU) while he's trying to catch, and it's 2nd and 10. Gates catches this time, and it's 3rd and short yardage. Absent in this play calling series: Tomlinson. Someone get the man a screen pass!

Adalius Thomas for the pick six, folks. You don't give the ball to Jesus on an obvious running down situation, that's what you get. 65-yard runback for Thomas. Gostkowski's kick is up and good, and it's 24-0, Patriots. Even more NORV! Face.

Tomlinson gets the ball up to the 40, and maybe the Chargers can get a face-saving score somewhere before the half. 3rd and 4 after a Michael Turner carry.

Might not want to put Phil Rivers on your fantasy squad...Ever. - Wags

Too fucking late; I drafted him late in one league. I'm losing that match this week. Michael Turner catches a checkdown pass on third down that'll force another punt.

How can you have LT and Michael Turner, and Lorenzo Neal blocking for them, and you can't move the ball on the ground for 6 quarters? - Anon @ 9:39

That's the magic of Norval Eugene Turner, Anon. NORV! Face looks kind of like Art Shell Face, only it occasionally shows exasperation. Maroney rushes for a couple of yards. Bump music is U2's "Desire."

I think that picture of Barry Switzer is going to keep me up at night. - dan

Nightmare fuel, indeed. Two minutes left, NE's got 2nd and 5 at their onw 25 and Kool-Aid jukes a tackler for an 11-yard gain and a 1st down. Kevin Faulk gets a catch just shy of the 1st down. Brady throws downfield to Stallworth, and Antonio Cromartie gets flagged for some P.I. Eddie Guns, in all his wisdom, explains exactly why (which is nice), and the arm bar by Cromartie gets NE a first down in Charger territory.

Brady tries for Stallworth on Cromartie again, and I bet the Pats' O has figured Antonio for a soft corner, otherwise they wouldn't try that twice in a row.

"He is so calm back there. I think he's calmer than Peyton Manning." - JM. Your friend's pet chihuahua that's barking all the time is calmer than Peyton Manning at the offensive line. Clinton Hart then promptly picks Brady, as Madden wipes the excess juice off his lip. Tomlinson carries to end the half, and it's 24 -0, Pats.

See you back here at the third quarter thread. Note anything too stupid during the halftime show here in comments (and by the way, all of you in the comments tonight are bringing your "A" games. Fabulous.)

Oh, and a music video break: Devo covering "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction."

70 Comments:

Can someone explain the obsession with quarterback "wins" to me? Seems like a pointless stat.

Sep 16, 2007, 9:10:00 PM  

Tom Brady is great, extremely smart, a hard worker, Tiger Woods-esque.

And the "The Patriots were good enough to win it all, cheating or not" damage control begins....

It must have worked. I'll concede the argument if they'll just shut the hell up about him.

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:11:00 PM  

Cover your ears, anon - the Joe Montana talk is starting.

Sep 16, 2007, 9:12:00 PM  

If the Pats win this game everyone will forget the cheating thing in about a week. I understand the 2nd chance mentality of society, but how can we forget things so quickly?

(See: Shawne Merriman)

Sep 16, 2007, 9:12:00 PM  

Bionic Woman looks very below average. But I might give it a chance, just because it means that if it survives, that's one less spot taken up by crappy reality programming.

I'll take The Bionic Woman over "The Biggest Loser: The Next Generation" any day.

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:13:00 PM  

Wow...was that Devo's Whip It going into the break? I guess Kanye has run its course on all the networks...they're reverting back to the 80s.

Sep 16, 2007, 9:13:00 PM  

What's so effing special about wanting to win?

Dummy said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:14:00 PM  

Off topic, but you know what I love best about ESPN Sunday Night Baseball? When Joe Morgan will tell a story, then Jon Miller will repeat it, almost as if he's translating it from Joe into English.

Sep 16, 2007, 9:15:00 PM  

wouldn't it be great if Belichick tried doing it again tonight, figuring no one would expect it?

odessasteps said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:16:00 PM  


I'll take The Bionic Woman over "The Biggest Loser: The Next Generation" any day.


Amen.

Sep 16, 2007, 9:16:00 PM  

We have to have the Bionic Woman, you see, because women are just as strong and capable as men, well, only if they have bionic power and special effects to make it look that way.

Yes, the bionic Woman followed the Six Million Dollar Man, IIRC.

Where the fuck is Steve Austin? turning our young men into frickin candy assed douches.

Tom Bradys...

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:16:00 PM  

The Foxboro crowd boos Shawne Merriman.

Good to see them make a stand against cheaters.

AND THERE'S THE MANDATORY "BOSTON SONG" SEGUE TO THE COMMERCIAL

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:17:00 PM  

odessasteps is reading my mind.

Sep 16, 2007, 9:18:00 PM  

If they're going to turn me into something Tom Brady-esque, I'll take it, Wags. He's got money and his choice of women.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:18:00 PM  

I guess all these Cialis commercials means they know Wade Wilson is watching.

Dummy said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:18:00 PM  

I'm in a bile sorta mood.

Anyone catch "Key" on the ESPN show barely making it through forming sentences without Berman guiding him through like a old lady helping out a drooling retard order some french fries at McDonalds?

Christ, Emmit and Keyshawn. Give me Irvin and his jibberish anyday.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:19:00 PM  

oh, oh, oh, you know who you are....

Lozo said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:19:00 PM  

AND THERE'S THE MANDATORY "BOSTON SONG" SEGUE TO THE COMMERCIAL

Hahaha. I'm surprised it took this long. I'm also upset it wasn't "smokin'"

Sep 16, 2007, 9:19:00 PM  

"Here's what's legal and what's illegal" with two pictures of cameras and a third of Bill Belichick.

I'll take Bill Belichick, Al.

Reminds me of Sesame Street's "Three of these things belong together" song.

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:20:00 PM  

What is this? America's Most Wanted? Why the hell did they have to recreate the cheating scene?

dummy said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:20:00 PM  

Hahahahahahaha! There wasn't a hold the "defender was just overpowered"! God I love Eddie Gunz!!!

Sep 16, 2007, 9:21:00 PM  

Yeah, fuck the replays, let's all listen to Uncle John, the smelly, noisy fatass, tell another stupid story about his coaching days.

yeah, it's like putting the fuckin Space Shuttle into orbit.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:23:00 PM  

They're already getting the "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is" and "25 or 6 to 4" segues ready for next week!

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:23:00 PM  

AA, we're in sync or something here.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:23:00 PM  

New England's cheerleaders look like dogshit.

dummy said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:23:00 PM  

old teenage hopes...

Lozo said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:24:00 PM  

1, 2, 3, 4....Shoot me in the fucking head!

Sep 16, 2007, 9:24:00 PM  

Is there a camera on Wilfork to catch him diggin for those delectable golden nose nuggets?

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:24:00 PM  

Damn they put the star of "Chuck" up in the upperdeck. They must not have hopes for that show.

Sep 16, 2007, 9:25:00 PM  

Why do I feel like there's going to be a murderous rampage in Hoboken tonight if that iPod commercial is played much more tonight?

Sep 16, 2007, 9:25:00 PM  

And I was about to applaud NBC for not being ESPN and bringing "Chuck" to the game.

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:25:00 PM  

after every shawne merriman sack, steven jackson should come out of nowhere and start running the other way.

Lozo said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:26:00 PM  

Zach Levi, the star of Chuck, another douche getting pretend beat up by skinny women.

Doesn't quite have the cache of, LEE MAJORS STAR OF THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:27:00 PM  

Shenanigans. Great. Now we're in a "South Park" episode.

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:27:00 PM  

Ooh, frequency coordinators.

yeah, um, Al, this is Belechick we're talking about, he won't stop, he'll never stop.

PR men til the end.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:29:00 PM  

hey, what's the restaurant you love with all the goofy shit on the wall?

Lozo said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:29:00 PM  

With all these shots of Cameramen and Radio Equipment, and of them printing out pics of every play, why don't they just start the Spy vs. Spy theme music?

Dummy said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:29:00 PM  

Which is more annoying:

The "1,2,3,4" iPod commercial

or

U2's "Did-it did-it did-t did-it did-it, shooby-do-wa" iPod commercial?

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:30:00 PM  

It would be great if Hockuli created his own signals...

A double bicep for illegal motion.

A "superman" for neutral zone infraction.

A "crab" to accentuate the traps for too many men on the field.

A lat spread for time out.

It'd be great, you know, really tremendous, great stuff, tremendous.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:31:00 PM  

Rivers sucks shit...he is the reason the Charger's will never win the Super Bowl...very Grossman-esque

dummy said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:33:00 PM  

Might not want to put Phil rivers on your fantasy squad...

Ever.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:34:00 PM  

Norv Turner: offensive genius.

Oh well, at least he's not the worst offensive mind in the NFL. His brother Ron is still Chicago's O.C.

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:34:00 PM  

Yeah, San Diego obviously made the wrong choice getting rid of Drew Brees.

Oh wait.

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:36:00 PM  

Was Norv a burn victim? 'Cause Kelso called and said, "BURNNNNN!!!!"

Dummy said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:36:00 PM  

How can you have LT and Michael Turner, and Lorenzo Neal blocking for them, and you can't move the ball on the ground for 6 quarters?

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:39:00 PM  

I think that picture of Barry Switzer is going to keep me up at night.

dan said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:40:00 PM  

"Hmm, he was using cameras? What are they, these cameras, someone explain this idea to me..."

- Norvert Turner

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:41:00 PM  

John Madden, Barry Switzer and Norv Turner. Wow. Those are three guys who have a lot in common. If I were Madden, I'd be pissed to be compared to them.

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:41:00 PM  

Marv Lewis thinks the Chargers suck.

dummy said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:42:00 PM  

What would you get if you combined the offensive genius of Norv with the defensive genius of Marvin Lewis? Temple?

dan said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:46:00 PM  

Arm Bar?

Who the hell is he, Iron Mike Sharpe?

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:47:00 PM  

If you put the Chargers, Saints, and Notre Dame's offenses up against each other with the same defenses, who would score first?

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:49:00 PM  

Yeah, LT, that's Norv Turner for ya, get used to it.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:50:00 PM  

Rabbi Sol Hirschfeld for the new Pork, Ham and Bacon croissant at Dunkin Donuts.

Hey, if Berman can do it.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:52:00 PM  

Robert Kraft can't even pronounce his own coach's name.

Fucking hilarious.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:53:00 PM  

I could understand Ditka last Monday or Holtz ever than I can Kraft...lay off the Grey Goose martinis, dude.

dummy said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:53:00 PM  

It's the Spin Zone with Al Michaels and Bob Kraft.

odessasteps said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:54:00 PM  

Is Bob Kraft a lying sack of shit?

Sure he is. He can't be that stupid.

Hey Bob, it was a goddamn CAMERA MAN ON THE FIELD WHO WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE! You didn't know?

He must have inherited his money.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:54:00 PM  

Jesus effing Christ...who gives a shit about Highschool football? Give me an effing break.

dummy said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:56:00 PM  

That was spin beyond any spin.

Sep 16, 2007, 9:57:00 PM  

LOL, sign him to a contract extension the same week he gets fined a half mil.

And Bullfrog Bob had NO IDEA Belechick would stoop to such lower middle class lengths as to break the honored rules of the hallowed NFL.

What a dickhead.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:57:00 PM  

It's not surprising that he doesn't have a clue about what's going on. He's a C.E.O., not a day-to-day manager. His job is not to police his employees.

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 9:57:00 PM  

Great set of "highlights" there, NBC.

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 10:00:00 PM  

God, I'm just so done with getting upset over this halftime shit. The Robert Kraft thing was necessary, but could you show me highlights from the game I'm watching just once?!

Everyone has already seen the highlights from the earlier games 15 f'ing times.

Makes no sense.

Sep 16, 2007, 10:01:00 PM  

Sorry, AA. Only end zone celebrations qualify as "highlights" these days.

Anonymous said...
Sep 16, 2007, 10:03:00 PM  

I wonder if Bob knew he was paying the salary of one video camerman, the guy who handles the cabling, the person who transcribes the film, the extra camera, all the stuff involved with the camera, the other technicians, the tape and overhead with the extra camera...

I mean, there would ONLY BE ONE camera guy that was paid by the Patriots to film on the field. He didn't know?

White guys rapping about McDonalds...lovely. this is why Bob the Bullfrog thinks he can say that shit.

Gosh, TO is so cute with his antics.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 10:03:00 PM  

Sorry, AA. Only end zone celebrations qualify as "highlights" these days.

While we're on that topic can I be the 700th person to say that Chad Johnson's celebrations kinda suck and are getting annoying as hell?

Sep 16, 2007, 10:04:00 PM  

I have an urgent announcement:

Joe Morgan's birthday is Wednesday.

That is all.

Sep 16, 2007, 10:05:00 PM  

Clarence Beeks? (Trading Places reference)

Yeah, CEO Dan Snyder has no idea what's going on with his team, nor does Al "CEO" Davis.

That fat bastard signed a paycheck for the guy.

Another scintillating bad half of football by the Chargers.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 10:08:00 PM  

"Joe Morgan's birthday is Wednesday."

Is he going out for fish tacos, or maybe a hamburger, because he likes either, but if he had some fish tacos, he would love to have them.

But, you know, a burger would also be good, in this situation.

How can Norv fuck up with having LT on his team??? Even Darth Schottencowher couldn't fuck that up.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 16, 2007, 10:10:00 PM  

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