The Pam Ward Chronicles: Week Three

Saturday, September 15, 2007


Welcome back to our weekly installment of The Pam Ward Chronicles. I'm going to be keeping track of the Announcing Quotes throughout the day and I ask that you join in. Please leave any that you come across in the comments or feel free to email me at AwfulAnnouncing@Gmail.com.

Just like last week we're starting out with some Chris Spielman gems. He even started trashing baseball players late last night as well! You're in the lead Chris, so keep them coming.

Here are the standings after two weeks........

1. Chris Spielman (13)
2. Brad Nessler (12)
3. Bob Griese (10)
4. Pat Hayden (9)
5. Paul Maguire and Mike Patrick (8)
7. Mark Jones and Brent Musburger (7)
9. Tim Brandt and John Saunders (6)

Others Receiving Votes: Ray Bentley (5), Mike Tirico (4), Desmond Howard (3), Pam Ward (3), Doug Flutie (2.5), Craig James (2.5), Todd Blackledge (2), Gerry Dinardo (1), Dave Pasch (1)

College Football Week #3 Announcing Teams (Awful Announcing)

_________________________________

“He went the Hula Route. If you’re able to see a guy coming and shake your body just enough.”- Chris Spielman

“Is he coming to the Sean McDonough charity golf tournament?”- Chris Spielman
“This Monday. Yeah….we invited you but we have a rule against throwing clubs.”- Sean McDonough

“I think most people think among the top conferences in College Football, the Big Tweleve……..would be in the second cast…..the bottom cast”- Sean McDonough

“I think we already pre-empted the Contender tonight…and that’s not good we upset a lot of boxers.”- Sean McDonough

“Every Baseball player?”- Sean McDonough
“Every Baseball player in the history of the world. Abner Doubleday, in fact he had to take a couple of tough pills to get through a double header.”- Chris Spielman
“You don’t agree with my analysis? ”?- Chris Spielman
“I think there are some tough baseball Players”- Sean McDonough
“Really?- Chris Spielman
“I think a lot of them are tough”- Sean McDonough

“Boston College wins this one with a National Football League balanced attack that will hurt the Te, Texas, Tenness……excuse me, the Tech Blitz.”- Lee Corso

"The only way for Minnesota to win this game today is for their offense to match Florida Atlantic's offense touchdown for touchdown"- Gerry Dinardo (Via Matt)

After an update of The Citadel-Wisconsin game, Dave Pasch said "Robert Parish must be proud" Didn't Robert Parish go to Centenary? (Via Anon, and yes...yes he did)

"You have to have the best players on the field at all time."- Bob Canala (He’s on the Cincy game not sure of the last name)

“Injured in the first quarter and he’s been in some discomfort.”- Jim Barbar, The player is crying under a towel lying on a stretcher

“Miami needs to come up with defensive juice.”- Bob Canala

"You can't punt in this game. The first team to punt will lose the game."- Jim Donnan (Via Bruce)

Pittsburgh's ball....4th and 18 on their own 40....30 seconds left....No Timeouts....

"This might be the ballgame here."- Andre Ware (You think?????)

"Pitt doesn't have a lot of depth (on the d-line). they've been sending guys in and out all game."- Andre Ware

If you're sending guys in and out all game, doesn't that mean you have depth?- Lozo

"The first thing you've got to do is get the Football in your hands"- Brad Nessler
"That is SO true!!!"- Bob Griese

"I've got to give the nose tackles some love. They're like a fire hydrant at a dog show."- Mike Golic, introducing the ND Defense (Via Justin)

"If you're trying to run it without running inside, it's like having nip/tuck surgery without anesthetic."- Gary Danielson
(Via Signal to Noise)

"Eric Ainge must come back and anwser. He MUST NOT punt again."- Gary Danielson, I can pretty much guarantee he won't be punting Gary.

"I love deep balls in college football. You must throw the ball deep. You're guaranteed one-on-one and you're guy is way better . . . way better than the defender." - Gary Danielson (Via The Unreliable Narrator

"That's where you say wolfang the invisible dog got you over there on the hashmark."- Brad Nessler, Talking about Michigan's QB Mallet falling down on a play.

"Florida HAS to win this game if they're going to run the table."- Gary Danielson

"Put that on the computer....that's one of those computer throws."- Gary Danielson

"The safest part of a shovel pass is the fact that once it hits the ground....incomplete pass"- Ron Franklin (Via Matt)

"The lead team for the 2nd year of Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson isn't all that bad"- Awful Announcing September 14, 2007 (Via Anon)

Come on! It's their first game. Okay you're right.....they are terrible this game.

"Tim Tebow and Tony Joiner are roommates now. The African American senior and Tim Tebow the white sophomore. They have become fast friends." - Verne Lundquist
[Roommates kiss each other on the
cheek in passing.]
"Yeah. One guy is the face of Florida . . . does everything right. The other guy got thrown off the time once. Guys are learning from each other." - Gary Danielson
"Tony Joiner said Tebow has to have some quirks. He says "You can't belief how much cereal he eats." - Verne Lundquist
"Milk or cereal?" - Gary Danielson
"The milk I believe." - Verne Lundquist
(Via The Unreliable Narrator)

(After a Dancing With The Stars Promo)
"You really thought Griese was going to get invited?" - Paul Maguire
"Yeah." - Brad Nessler
"He has a hard time walking. Let alone dance." - Paul Maguire
"Well, Emmitt won it a few years ago." - Brad Nessler
"Yes. Emmitt won it. And then . . . Yoko Ono won it last year or whatever the ice skater was named." - Bob Griese
(Via The Unreliable Narrator)

"He had a nice opening thrust."- Verne Lundquist

(After catching a Pike St Market fish)
"Yeah, the fish is going back to the market, i'm not sure where my jacket is going"- Jack Arute
"You got it at goodwill, you could just take it back"- Ed Cunningham

Video: EDSBS Gets A Shout Out From Verne!!!

Doug Flutie:
"Florida, they really took it to them...I can't remember who they are right now..."
John Saunders: "Tennessee."
Doug Flutie: "Right." (laughs)
(Via Signal to Noise)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:05 PM

38 Comments:

"The only way for Minnesota to win this game today is for their offense to match Florida Atlantic's offense touchdown for touchdown"

Another gem from Gerry DiNardo on the Big Ten preview show...he needs his own special category he's so bad

I mean...is there some other way to win a game that does not involve outscoring the other team?

Matt said...
Sep 15, 2007, 11:48:00 AM  

Hahaha good catch Matt.

Sep 15, 2007, 12:35:00 PM  

After an update of The Citadel-Wisconsin game, Dave Pasch said "Robert Parish must be proud"
Didn't Robert Parish go to Centenary?

Anonymous said...
Sep 15, 2007, 12:43:00 PM  

Anonymous- yes, The Chief did go to Centenary.

Jim Donnan, on the UK-Louisville game- "You can't punt in this game. The first team to punt will lose the game."

Bruce said...
Sep 15, 2007, 1:55:00 PM  

this is awesome. i wish i had been keeping track of these the first three weeks. i'm sure i've had tons.

Lozo said...
Sep 15, 2007, 2:02:00 PM  

Ugh. ESPN just switched off the Purdue game for "Bonus coverage" of MS State's game. This causes three sorts of pain for me:

1. No more Pam Ward
2. MS State game is in HD
3. More Jesse Palmer analysis

Bring back the Boilers.

Justin Williams said...
Sep 15, 2007, 2:44:00 PM  

i don't know who the color guy is for pitt-msu, but he's been terrible all day. msu is considering going for it on fourth and 1, and his rationale for why they should go for it was this:

"pitt doesn't have a lot of depth (on the d-line). they've been sending guys in and out all game."

if you're sending guys in and out all game, doesn't that mean you have depth?

he's also spent the game saying pitt's back is like reggie bush, which is insane. why does he keep making that comparison? i'll bet all three of my balls it's because the are both no. 25.

Lozo said...
Sep 15, 2007, 3:05:00 PM  

The Purdue game is back and Pam Ward and just informed everyone that she wants to walk on the moon someday just like Purdue alum Neil Armstrong. Really touching stuff.

Justin Williams said...
Sep 15, 2007, 3:08:00 PM  

Nice all on the Andre Ware comments...he should've been wearing a Pitt jersey in the both for all the apologizing he was doing for them

Matt said...
Sep 15, 2007, 3:33:00 PM  

Anyone catch the cold open of the ND/UM game....they had more announcers on the field than Sunday NFL countdown

Matt said...
Sep 15, 2007, 3:34:00 PM  

Yeah that was weird....I was so hoping for Brad Nessler to get run over by the Wolverines.

Sep 15, 2007, 3:45:00 PM  

Mike Golic giving the starting line up for Notre Dame: "I've got to give the nose tackles some love. They're like a fire hydrant at a dog show."

Justin Williams said...
Sep 15, 2007, 3:45:00 PM  

Did he really say that JW??? Ha.

Sep 15, 2007, 3:50:00 PM  

Gary Danielson - "If you're trying to run it without running inside, it's like having nip/tuck surgery without anesthetic."

I don't know why, but it made me giggle.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 15, 2007, 4:17:00 PM  

[After Riley Cooper touchdown in 1st quarter]

"I love deep balls in college football. You must throw the ball deep. You're guaranteed one-on-one and you're guy is way better . . . way better than the defender." - Gary Danielson

Sep 15, 2007, 4:24:00 PM  

[After John Thompson interception of Jimmy Clausen pass in ND vs. Mich]

"Intercepted by John Thompson. The machete with another slice of defense for Michigan." - Brad Nessler

Sep 15, 2007, 4:27:00 PM  

AA: I had to rewind my TiVo because I couldn't believe it. Its like Jim Ross is calling games.

Justin Williams said...
Sep 15, 2007, 4:29:00 PM  

"The safest part of a shovel pass is the fact that once it hits the ground....incomplete pass"
- Ron Franklin

Thanks Ron....so much I could say about this

Matt said...
Sep 15, 2007, 4:31:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sep 15, 2007, 4:32:00 PM  

"We want to welcome those of you watching Notre Dame-Michigan." - Verne Lundquist, after CBS runs some high...er...lowlights on the Irish's part.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 15, 2007, 4:40:00 PM  

Can they stop sucking Clausen's dick? He completed a 10 yard pass on 3rd and 25, by listening to the announcers you would think he just won the Super Bowl with that pass.

Phil said...
Sep 15, 2007, 4:43:00 PM  

Phil I'm with you. He isn't getting much time, but he looks like crap.

Sep 15, 2007, 4:53:00 PM  

This is baseball, but I just had to share this gem while flipping through NY-Bos:

"I'm from Arlington, Massachusetts so I am steeped in the Fenway Nation."
- Dane Cook to Tim McCarver

FENWAY nation????????????

Anonymous said...
Sep 15, 2007, 4:55:00 PM  

[After Tebow 7 yard touchdown run.]

"Tim Tebow." - Verne Lundquist
"He's something to watch. Really don't need a lot of words. Pretty self evident. Guy is a 400lb bench presser." - Gary Danielson
"But he can't sing." - Verne Lundquist
"We'll see." - Gary Danielson

Sep 15, 2007, 4:56:00 PM  

OK, this isn't an announcer quote, but Notre Dame BLOWS.

Anonymous said...
Sep 15, 2007, 4:57:00 PM  

"The lead team for the 2nd year of Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson isn't all that bad"

- Awful Announcing
September 14, 2007

Anonymous said...
Sep 15, 2007, 4:58:00 PM  

Easily the weirdest conversation of the today so far . . .

"Tim Tebow and Tony Joiner are roommates now. The African American senior and Tim Tebow the white sophomore. They have become fast friends." - Verne Lundquist

[Roommates kiss each other on the
cheek in passing."

"Yeah. One guy is the face of Florida . . . does everything right. The other guy got thrown off the time once. Guys are learning from each other." - Gary Danielson

"Tony Joiner said Tebow has to have some quirks. He says "You can't belief how much cereal he eats." - Verne Lundquist

"Milk or cereal?" - Gary Danielson

"The milk I believe." - Verne Lundquist

Sep 15, 2007, 5:01:00 PM  

[After a promo for 'Dancing with the Stars.']

"You really thought Griese was going to get invited?" - Paul Maguire
"Yeah." - Brad Nessler
"He has a hard time walking. Let alone dance." - Paul Maguire
"Well, Emmitt won it a few years ago." - Brad Nessler
"Yes. Emmitt won it. And then . . . Yoko Ono won it last year or whatever the ice skater was named." - Bob Griese

Sep 15, 2007, 5:10:00 PM  

Lundquist gave EDSBS a shoutout and was about to explain, I believe, why they call Ron Zook [NAME REDACTED] and got interrupted by a Tebow-Ingram TD.

Sadly, he never got back to his train of thought.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 15, 2007, 5:11:00 PM  

Lou Holtz is completely shaken...I seriously think this ND collapse is his personal 9/11

Matt said...
Sep 15, 2007, 5:13:00 PM  

Jack Arute (after catching a Pike St Market fish): "yeah, the fish is going back to the market, i'm not sure where my jacket is going"
Ed Cunningham (i think?): "you got it at goodwill, you could just take it back"

Ryan said...
Sep 15, 2007, 5:39:00 PM  

Arkansas has two players with the last name Dick, so their starting QB, Casey, has "C. DICK" on the back of his jersey.

Vegas Watch said...
Sep 15, 2007, 7:10:00 PM  

Ed Cunningham and crew are so pro-Ohio State. UW didn't help.

Mookie said...
Sep 15, 2007, 7:17:00 PM  

Doug Flutie: "Florida, they really took it to them...I can't remember who they are right now..."
John Saunders: "Tennessee."
Doug Flutie: "Right." (laughs)

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 15, 2007, 10:00:00 PM  

"The one thing that puzzles me here..."

- Brent Musberger
(just one thing?)

Anonymous said...
Sep 15, 2007, 10:00:00 PM  

USC 42 - Nebraska 10 [14:42 left in 4th Quarter]

"14:42 left in the game. Number 1 is going to stay Number 1, folks." - Brent Musbruger

Sep 15, 2007, 11:20:00 PM  

"The safest part of a shovel pass is the fact that once it hits the ground....incomplete pass"- Ron Franklin (Via Matt)

I think what he meant there was that it is not a lateral pass, though it is a sort of pitch or backfield pass, so that an incompletion does not equal a fumble.

Anonymous said...
Sep 15, 2007, 11:47:00 PM  

"Florida HAS to win this game if they're going to run the table."

Wow. Just...wow.

Sep 16, 2007, 2:04:00 AM  

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