Monday Night Football Live-Blog: Baltimore vs. Cincinnati 1st Quarter

Monday, September 10, 2007


Thanks for stopping by everyone. I'll get this thing going right around 7pm. It's Ray! It's Chad! It's Mike, Jaws, and Tony! It's Monday Night Football!!!

Oh, and Ray ain't kill no Mother F***in' Lion!



"That tough Ravens Defense who features Willis McGahee on the Ground."- Chris Berman

"To me I think Willis McGahee should have a good night. He should surpass that 990 yards he had last year."- Emmitt Smith

Whoa......I should be good in fantasy then right?

"I know he's not a Cane or a Hokie, Emmitt, but what does Willis McGahee have to do to get off to a good start?"

Response from Emmitt Smith:

"He has to get off to a good start."- Via Liston

Hank's back and so is Brian Setzer and Gretchen Wilson.....we're about to get this underway.....

"Chad get your sexy into the endzone tonight!"- Tony K.

7:07- Suzy is looking pretty fetching tonight. I like the haircut....sassy. Kickoff coming after the break. Let's do this....

Sam Jackson intros the game with one of those boxing microphones in some weird room. That was kinda creepy. Welcome to the Jungle.

The 38th season of Monday Night Football is underway, and BJ Sams is blasted by the Bengals' Special Teams. McNair rolls out and throw an incomplete on first down. The Bengals swarm McNair on 2nd down and almost get a turnover....dangerous play by McNair but he wasn't going down.

Amazing catch by D. Williams....climbed the ladder on that one. Jaworski shows us the timing on the play and Kornheiser just talks over the top of him.

"Who's he throwing to Dirk Nowitzki next up?"- Tony Kornheiser

God he is so unfunny on these broadcasts.

7:15- McGahee gets his first carry and doesn't get much. McNair overthrows Mason and the Crows are punting.

"Korneheiser getting gushy over Chad Johnson mentions he's "not a narcissist like Owens." Then they cut to Chad wired going "Chad is ready. Chad is gonna give you a show."- Via Anon

Seriously....bad timing.

Sam Jackson: "Ray WANTS TO KILL You're Motherfucking ass!!!"- Oil Can Boyd

I would have gone with "Ray Lewis has a wallet....it's the one that says badass motherf**ker on it....but that works to OCB.

Bump to commercial is "Stronger" by Kanye West. At least it's this century.

7:23- Zippy for Rudi on 1st down and the Ravens defense looks ready to go. Nice catch by TJ Housh on 2nd down. I'm wishing Santana Moss could have made a couple of those yesterday.

Chad Johnson emulates Santana with a drop. Where was your sexy on that one Chad? Housh emulates Chad with a drop and the Bungles are punting. Ray Lewis also appears to have a stinger.

Good return by Sams and good field position for the Ravens.

"Carson knows those are the balls he's gotta get in Chad Johnson's hands."- Hollywood Wags

Ewwwwww.

7:30- Ray is definitely banged up after killing that Lion, and a turnover as the handoff is mishandled between McNair and McGahee.....and.....

ANOTHER COMMERCIAL! Sweet.

7:34- The Ravens look to be blitzing everyone on 3rd down, and it's incomplete. Carson Palmer is off early, and Ray Ray is heading to the locker room.

Graham misses a long FG attempt and Ed Reed tries to return it. Dumb lateral there, but they keep posession. Shayne Graham comes up gimpy after having to get in on the tackle. Uh oh.

7:37- ANOTHER FUMBLE! Ahmad Brooks (From?) Cincy recovers. Back to back fumbles and Tony and Jaws go at it.

TOUCHDOWN CHAD JOHNSON! Here comes the celebration. He goes off the field to not get a penalty. Way too long of a setup. And the extra point is blocked.

Umm....what just happened? Hahahahahahahahahaha. A future HOF jacket! That was actually pretty good!

6-0 Bengals

"We've replaced your regular Steve McNair with Jeff Blake. Let's see if anyone notices."- Anon

Hahaha....that's funny, I don't care who you are.

You know what's even more funny? ESPN missing the celebration. They hyped that up all week. Too funny.

7:43- Good call by Mike Tirico to point out that Ray Lewis has missed a ton of games after Tony made the "I'm too in shape to get hurt" line.

ANOTHER FUMBLE!! Good lord the Ravens look terrible.

Mike Tirico gets the Forced Fumble call right in Marshall, but Jaws overturns it saying Leon Hall knocked it loose. Tirico's right.

I don't know why the Bengals declined the automatic first down, but it doesn't matter Rudi gets the first and another 15 is tacked on for a horse collar. And it's by Ray Lewis, but of course we didn't know he was back in because the booth decided not to tell us.

They don't comment on it at all. Thanks guys.

7:50- Shayne Graham comes in for a short FG and to completely destroy his hip. And he nails it. That's gotta hurt.

9-0 Cincy

Mookie is right....they are giggling a lot in the booth. They seem to be very proud of themselves for some reason.

"They are hanging Chads."- Tony Kornheiser, What? Can we stick to references within the past 5 years please?

7:56 Great call by Tony to follow it up with the comment about trying to get it into halftime, but it's only the 1st quarter.

"When you throw the ball down the field it's tougher in the NFL."- Mike Tirico, NO SHIT!!! IT'S THE F'ING NFL!!!!!!! (Sorry....that's just stupid.)

WOW! Ed Reed just blasted TJ Housh!!! Good lord that was hard....he probably could have picked the ball off though.

"That's why you put the beam on him. Beam me up Ed Reed!"- Tony Kornheiser, Just stop.

8:02- Good job by Suzy using the word groin with out laughing. McNair is ailing now too. Everyone is going to be hurt by the end of the week. McGahee runs out the 1st....

And we're off to the second quarter. I'll see you in a new thread!

36 Comments:

Emmitt Smith is terrible.

Anonymous said...
Sep 10, 2007, 6:57:00 PM  

Korneheiser getting gushy over Chad Johnson mentions he's "not a narcissist like Owens." Then they cut to Chad wired going "Chad is ready. Chad is gonna give you a show."

Anonymous said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:08:00 PM  

Sam Jackson: "Ray WANTS TO KILL You're Motherfucking ass!!!"

Oilcanboyd said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:10:00 PM  

Is that Mike Tirico or a baby laughing?

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:16:00 PM  

In other news: 26 guns have been used to shoot at the TV watching these guys commentate.

Mookie said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:16:00 PM  

Dear ESPN,
That scoreboard you have for, idk, everything except MNF: Use it for MNF. And while your at it get better announcers.

RyanMcD29 said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:21:00 PM  

Yea, I just figured out Mr. West and Kanye were the same person.

Anonymous said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:21:00 PM  

One leg for sixteen.

hu hu hu huh huh

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:23:00 PM  

Must Tirico kiss everyboy's ass?

Holy Moly.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:23:00 PM  

"Carson knows those are the balls he's gotta get in Chad Johnson's hands."

Did Ray Ray hurt his shoulder?

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:25:00 PM  

I'd figure Tirico would kill himself after Michigan got pounded.

Mookie said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:26:00 PM  

I think we've hit our quota for commercials for the first half already. Geez, could we be more than 4 minutes into the game after a half hour?

Anonymous said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:29:00 PM  

Looks like they're gonna just let Kanye's entire CD play throughout the broadcast. That last song they went to commercial on was "The Good Life" which is also on Ye's new album.

Oilcanboyd said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:29:00 PM  

Disney -- running commercials into the ground?

SHOCKING~!

odessasteps said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:30:00 PM  

Jaws is on a first person basis with Carson.

That's so cute.

Outstanding accuracy, and a line drive.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:32:00 PM  

Tirico means "The Kiss of Death" in Italian.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:33:00 PM  

Kill me now.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:36:00 PM  

We've replaced your regular Steve McNair with Jeff Blake. Let's see if anyone notices.

Tony sounds like his heart has been broken by Chad's celebration.

Anonymous said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:36:00 PM  

Chad Johnson's celebration was a huge dissapointment for Tony. Now who wants to bet Kanye West is the guest celebrity for tonight?

RyanMcD29 said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:38:00 PM  

LMAO, they missed Chad's stupid shit.

LMAO, who carea bout the kicker getting hurt, out of the game, ray out of the game.

huh hu huhu huh huh

Jaws gets very excited, he's excitable.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:38:00 PM  

Serious reporting by Michelle "loud drunken boozehag" Tafoya.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:39:00 PM  

Ray Ray a spiritual leader?

Um, yeah.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:41:00 PM  

Jeezis H Ray Lewis, another fumble.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:42:00 PM  

Kornheiser, Jaws....shut the heck up.

Mookie said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:44:00 PM  

I understand the Ravens used to be the Cleveland Browns, but there's no reason for the Ravens defense to honor their past with an in-game re-enactment.

Suss said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:46:00 PM  

A young enterprising dentist could probably make a killing in Cincitucky.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:47:00 PM  

Lots of giggling in the booth.

Very professional.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:49:00 PM  

Anyone else waiting for the police to arrest 14 Bengals on the field?

Mookie said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:49:00 PM  

This game wreaks of Construda.

Oilcanboyd said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:49:00 PM  

STOP GIGGLING LIKE SCHOOL GIRLS!!

Mookie said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:50:00 PM  

The Bengals perform their "swipe" technique and take Billick's wallet when he's not looking.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:51:00 PM  

"Lucky to get up" Mike?

A guy is frickin paralyzed up in Buffalo and ESPN is celebrating hard hits.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:58:00 PM  

And Suzy Kolber reporting on de-pantsing. My evening is complete.

Anonymous said...
Sep 10, 2007, 7:58:00 PM  

ESPN must be run by robots.

Selling phones by exploiting funerals.

Nice.

hollywood wags said...
Sep 10, 2007, 8:01:00 PM  

I take away only one thing from tonight's broadcast: Heroes can't come back soon enough!

BF said...
Sep 10, 2007, 8:01:00 PM  

For all of the hype leading up to it, Chad Johnson's celebration left something to be desired, wouldn't you say? I'm betting he won't be suspended, but he'll probably be find 10-20K.

Kevin Hayward said...
Sep 10, 2007, 8:11:00 PM  

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