Friday, August 10, 2007
Last Year's "Very Detailed" Preview
The NFL on Fox never disappoints. You're guaranteed a stellar effort by Pam Oliver (see: two posts ago), a boring interview from Chris Meyers, at least 10 Philadelphia Eagles games, Robots doing weird things after a touchdown, a ton of bad/smarmy jokes from Joe Buck, and Troy Aikman trying to ignore them and actually talk about Football and the game that's ACTUALLY being played (run-on sentences are for the truly cool).
The Studio Show hasn't changed in years either. The same jokes and the same ribbings are taking place, but this time with Curt Menefee at the helm.
You know what the NFL on Fox reminds me of? That drunk Uncle you have that gets hammered every single family outing. The cool one that bought you Bowman's Vodka when you were young, but now his act is getting kind of boring as you get older. His wife (Pam Oliver) is fed up with the whole thing and is just waiting until he dies (her contract runs out) to move to Fort Meyers, Florida and play golf (work for ABC).
The whole show was pretty fun in the beginning, but now it's predictable and stale (Just like when you're drunk uncle tells that real awkward racist/sexist story at Thanksgiving).
So what's the good news? Well, the best part about FOX is that you can actually tell they care about Football. Every other Network has someone that you could say doesn't even remotely pretend like they like the Sport at all (Al Michaels, Bryant Gumbel, Tony Kornheiser, etc.). And say what you will about Joe Buck (and I have)...he really cares about the sports he is covering. As stupid as that whole "Randy Moss: Disgusting Act" thing was...the only reason he flipped out was because he thought the mooning was belittling the game of Football.
Troy Aikman is probably the best analyst in football, but he needs to lighten up a bit. When a team is up 42-3 in the 4th, it's okay to joke on the Buffalo Fan with no shirt passed out in the first row.
Pam Oliver should be the host of the Studio Show. Nothing against Curt Menefee, but Pamela is the one sideline reporter I wouldn't fire if I was God for a day (sorry Erin Andrews fans). Now I'm not sure if she was offered it and didn't want it, but she should be anywhere but behind the gatorade coolers asking Terrell Owens if he enjoys playing in Dallas.
Chris Meyers....should be sent to NASCAR permanently (I'm just saying).
As far as the rest of the teams, I love Ron Pitts, love Vasgersian (Sorry STL) and Pearson, and I can't understand how Brian Baldinger still has a job. That about sums it up...except for the AA tradition of the "Announcing Preview Haiku". Feel free to add your own in the comments.
FOX on NFL Preseason Overall Grade: C+
Team #1- Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Pam Oliver (Grade C+/B-...depending solely on Buck)
The Battle of Troy
Buck Into Domination?
Pam O Quits Week Two
Team #2- Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, Tony Siragusa (Grade C-)
Daryl adds nothing
Kenny also a biter?
Goose lost at buffet
Team #3- Matt Vasgersian, JC Pearson, Jay Glazer (Grade B+)
Jay Taps Out Pearson
Matt Thinks Rams Are Still L A
Ozarks Welcome You
Team #4- Dick Stockton, Brian Baldinger, Terry Donahue (Grade D+)
Fingers Are Missing
I Hear Texans Are Fun
Stock is demoted
Team #5- Sam Rosen, Tim Ryan (Grade C)
Bald Is Beautiful
Tim, Goatees Are Still Awesome
Wait, he'd kick my a**
Team #6- Ron Pitts, Jesse Palmer ((Grade A-)
Pittsy Still Buried
Will You Accept This Rose Now?
Say Hi To Frisco
Team #7- Thom Brenneman or Steve Byrnes or Pat Summerall or Matt Devlin or Josh Lewin, Barry Alvarez or Dale Hellestrae (Grade Incomplete)
Don't Know Where To Start
Largest. Broadcast Crew. Ever
Team #8- Brad Sham or Dan McLaughlin, Tony Boselli (Grade C)
Voice of the Cowboys
Boselli Is Still Alive?!?!?!
The McLaughlin Group
There you have it.....tell me where and how I'm wrong in the comments.
UPDATE: Just because an anonymous commenter has questioned the credibility of my information I wanted to provide one more link.....
Breaking News: FOX to Send Dick Stockton To Announcing Purgatory (Awful Announcing)
So, I have Breaking News from a source in at the end of May, and the Wikipedia page is updated with the exact same (cut and paste) in the middle of July. Yep, you're right....I lifted it. The whole thing. Can you figure out why? Because I f'ing wrote it...that's why.