Remember Before When I Said Mark Jackson Was Terrible, I Lied.....He's God Awful

Thursday, May 31, 2007



I can't even believe that I said I liked him at one point. That's reprehensible on my part. Anywho, one of my biggest pet peeves are people who use Announcing cliches without backing them up with any sort of evidence. For example, saying "Team A has Team B on the ropes, and if Team B doesn't do something then they'll lose." First of all, WHY are they on the ropes? Secondly, HOW in the hell do they fix it? It's a very easy practice that Jeff Van Gundy seems to have learned. Let me demonstrate.....

“Little move there, and THA BANK IS OPEN!”- MJ, Umm what?
“That separation is key with Tim Duncan. He makes the space and finished with the bank shot.”- JVG, Oh okay thanks Jeff.

Okur has played Duncan better than anyone I’ve ever seen anyone play him”- MJ, Okay, why would you say that is?
“He doesn’t block a lot of shots, but he spreads out and makes it tough for Duncan to get by”- JVG, Jeff....stop it. I asked Mark.

“You got someone on the ropes....take em’ to the dance floor. Tony Parker in traffic....BALLIN’!”- MJ, I'm not even going to touch this one.

“You’re the Jazz you have to come ready to play”- MJ, Really? I thought they could appeal the loss and perhaps get another elimination game.

"The Spurs do a great job of getting under your skin"- MJ, Really....I've always heard that, but no one has ever told me how.
"The Spurs don’t have anyone to guard Ginobili and score like Ginobili. The Spurs only have to pressure two people, and have found this weakness and have exploited it"- JVG, Riiight that makes sen.....wait a minute. That was Jeff again wasn't it? Stop it Jeff....for the last time I want Mark to tell me.

“When you get this far in the playoffs you get a hunger that makes you want more”- MJ, Yeah...hunger...I've heard that one before.
“Utah needs a 6'5"/6'6" Shooting guard who can drive and get his shot. Tony Parker would then have to guard Deron Williams, and Bowen would be forced to guard that 2 guard”- JVG, Ugh. I give up.
I hope you've figured out my point in this brief little case study. Sweeping generalizations usually get the job done because no one ever questions them. Well these aren't sweeping generalizations.....they are just nonsense. I can't explain this any better can I? Wait you can Jeff??? Go for it....

“Game Summary is all about Tony Parker. Last game I said he was the fifth best point guard in the league, and I’m sorry Tony. He must have heard.”- MJ

“Did he just take credit for motivating Tony Parker?!?!”- JVG

Thanks Jeffery....and yes, yes he did.

7 Comments:

Hey what do you expect,he is an assist man, he just lobs them out there so someone else can finish them off.

Adrian said...
May 31, 2007, 2:58:00 PM  

Hey, he's an aflete.

Leave him alone.

hollywood wags said...
May 31, 2007, 3:08:00 PM  

Jeff Van Gundy was the only reason I didn't mute the broadcast and listen to a radio broadcast of the game. He did a nice job. Jackson was horrible. I actually came away knowing a bit more about the game with Van Gundy's comments. I think Jackson actually destroyed some brain cells.

Chris said...
May 31, 2007, 4:02:00 PM  

You better watch yo' mouf or Mark Jaxon gonna drop a TEARDROP on yo ass!!!

GMoney said...
May 31, 2007, 4:04:00 PM  

Ohhh, I'ma FUCK YOU UP, Poindexter.

McBain said...
May 31, 2007, 6:20:00 PM  

Thanks for the translations! I can't understand a word that marble-mouthed Goober says.

Mock Jaxuh said...
Jun 11, 2007, 3:15:00 PM  

mark jackson also has a horrible habit of telling us what the players on the court are saying. and in the finals, tim duncan scored over drew gooden in the paint and on the replay jackson started yelling, "momma, it's that man again!!" when it comes to crap announcers, he has no equal.

Squingy said...
Nov 29, 2007, 3:33:00 PM  

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