AA At Year One: The Roast

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


Wow....that's all I can say. Just wow. I had no idea that you all would take this so seriously, but you did. 3,000+ words are after the jump that broke my tiny, cold, and black heart. Just kidding....they are hilarious.

In all seriousness I think every single person within the 'sphere kicks a** in their own right. You are all hilarious, creative, and mean as hell....and I love that. I'm proud to be a part of this community, and thanks for accepting me. Special thanks to the Channel 4 News Team for taking on some of the most boring Live-Blogs of Bowl and Tournament Games this year, and thanks to you for reading (especially the lurkers).

What can you expect in year two? Well, for starters....the same crappy writing and disdain. That won't change. Umm, some more caption contests? Is that what you want??? Hmm, I dunno....let me get back to you on that one.

Enjoy the hate after the jump!

As one of the first blogs that I ever checked out and as one of the main reasons that I got to meet so many of my close blogging friends (the News Team) I want to thank you for all that you have done (Even when some of the songs that you used for the musical links made me want to toss my computer out the window.

- JCMJ

Dear Awful,

What can I say about a late 20's piece of crap that sits around and bitches about announcers that anonymous commenter have not already said. How about get some ass. Geez man, what happened in February? Did you go out one night or something? Only 106 posts? At least in February you took the time to rub one, or maybe you were preparing for your appearance on Blog Show. What a piece of crap that was! I remember you wrote "I am fat because I blew out my knee playing D1 sports... wah, wah, wah, wah." No, you are fat because you sit around all day in front of a computer retard. Take a walk jackass, and please do it in the sun. For God's sake, I thought Powder had grown out his hair and had a violent reaction to a bee sting. You should have just sat there, kept your mouth shut, and written whatever you wanted to say on your forehead. Goodness gracious, you could have fit War and Peace on that chalkboard between your eyes and your hairline. At least for your sake, it seems like all we have left is the screen captions... Video no longer available is the message on youtube. Is it true that the video was pulled because small children were so terrified of the pasty white monster in the smedium red t-shirt?

Anyway, enough with the compliments. Have you ever considered leaving your job and doing a blog full-time? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you have, haven't you? How cute. HAHAHAHAA. Unfortunately that would take some talent. Well, allow me to let you down easy... lose hope, they are never calling. Little kids want to grow up to be Peyton Manning, you want to grow up and be Will Leitch. What have you become?

In all seriousness, this site is my favorites list. I check it everyday and always find a lot of good stuff when I am preparing for my radio show (for which I give credit). I have told you before, but I really do appreciate what you do and look forward to more years of Awful Announcing. You do a great job and thanks for always finding the humor in sports. Keep up the great work and happy 1st!

-Chris Vernon- 730 ESPN Memphis

Our fearless leader's anniversary. Where would we be without him? Probably still sitting in our respective abodes, scratching our crotches, and yelling at Joe Buck, like we do every week anyway. But that's beside the point.

AA, you brought several of us together as a team, as we contributed to the general commenting about and ridicule of the talking heads that pollute our sporting airwaves -- you decided to create our sports blogging Voltron, and called it the Channel 4 News Team. You've been just as attentive to our Channel 4 News Team as Ron Burgundy was to his, with the forgotten posts and inactivity due to not being available (read: drunk). And let's face it, our Voltron is kinda lazy and has a short in the fuses.

Damn, I suck at this "being mean" crap, so I'd better stop while I'm behind. You took up my offer to live-blog NFL playoff games, and a lot of my work got further exposure as a result. I really can't thank you enough for the encouragement and acceptance as a peer. So, happy 1st, bud!

- S2N

I'm proud to be the first person to comment on your ignominious first anniversary. It takes a man to be subject to the scorn of others, but it takes a real chickenshit to comment on the public-forum missteps of other men.

I think I speak on behalf of Joe Buck, Keith Hernandez, Gary Thorne, Marv Albert, and Don Imus when I say fuck you. Fuck you to every person who thinks it is easy to basically talk for hours straight for more than 100 days a year. There is no pencil to click on to edit a live on-air statement, but there is always an underemployed schmuck to comment on it.

And I suppose we have people like you to thank. We all make mistakes in real-time when we're either trying to be funny or trying to be edgy. Now, thanks to losers like you, there is someone to permanently record every indiscretion. You're a leech off of the talented people who try to make a living either calling a game, or reporting from the sidelines with classy gloves and expensive shoes. You should be ashamed of yourself.- East Coast Bias

Wow, it's hard to believe it's been one year already. I can recall your early days. Like you we were still in our infancy trying to make a niche for ourselves in this crazy world we call the blogosphere. AA was one of the first sites we linked to as well receiving a linked in return. Then AA blew up, while we putzed along. Thanks for sending a little traffic our way, whether it was intentional or someone meaning to go to another link but instead finding our site which would probably lead them to think, "Isn't this a Cubs blog? What the fuck does David Caruso and Ronald McDonald have to do with anything?"

It's fun to see these blogs evolve from the generic blogger templates to something that looks like you spent a few extra hours in your parents basement working on. Also, it's good to see you finally got your GED, at least that's what I'm assuming happened, as the typos and quality of writing has gone from meteorically bad, to kinda sorta shitty. Or maybe you took my advice and finally let your mom proofread your posts before publishing them. I keeed, I keeed!

Happy Birthday/Anniversary/Kwanzaa/Whatever and best of luck in the future buddy!

-Thunder Matt's Saloon

I'm proud to be the first person to comment on your ignominious first anniversary. It takes a man to be subject to the scorn of others, but it takes a real chickenshit to comment on the public-forum missteps of other men.

I think I speak on behalf of Joe Buck, Keith Hernandez, Gary Thorne, Marv Albert, and Don Imus when I say fuck you. Fuck you to every person who thinks it is easy to basically talk for hours straight for more than 100 days a year. There is no pencil to click on to edit a live on-air statement, but there is always an underemployed schmuck to comment on it.

And I suppose we have people like you to thank. We all make mistakes in real-time when we're either trying to be funny or trying to be edgy. Now, thanks to losers like you, there is someone to permanently record every indiscretion. You're a leech off of the talented people who try to make a living either calling a game, or reporting from the sidelines with classy gloves and expensive shoes. You should be ashamed of yourself.

- East Coast Bias

Most of us are part-time bloggers, so we know what a milestone this is. The sheer level of skulduggery required to write 4-5 posts a day and not get fired from your day job is impressive. And AA has managed to pull that off for a full 365 days. Kudos! You're a model of efficiency when it comes to draining our economy of productivity. I can only hope to match your efforts one day.

You may know that AA toiled in relative obscurity just like the rest of us for several months before he got his big break. Did he report a corruption scandal at a major University? No. Did he land an exclusive interview with Harold Reynolds after his unjust firing? No. Did he stare at a naked cheerleader's ass in an attempt to match it to her USC bio? Yes, yes he did. And he did it because he cares, dammit! That's the kind of dedication it takes to survive in this dog-eat-dog world of power bloggers scarfing Cheetos in Mom's basement.

So congratulations on a full year of Awful Announcing. I am confident that this site will be here on that eventual day when the perfect storm comes - Michael Irvin snorting coke off of a naked cheerleader's ass while on-air.

Salud!

From Extra P.

I think the highlight for me of Awful Announcing's first year was finally getting to see why all the ladies were making a fuss about this sexy blogger from DC. Once he appeared on that TV show that I can't remember the name of starring Jamie Mottram and Dan Steinberg it was obvious that this man has a face tailor-made for blogging in the basement. And the two things I enjoyed the most that appeared on the site in the past year have to be the USC Trojan Cheerleader Panties/No-Panties Debate/Video and the fact that when AA made wholesale changes to the site he was bold enough to go with cloudy day grey as the background color. Way to step out and be radical, buddy.

Have a stellar second year and link to me more, you bastard. Downloadable porn doesn't pay for itself you know?

- Our Book of Scrap

We actually remember stumbling upon your site some time last summer. Not exactly sure how we found it but we had just started up our site and were working on an article about announcers freaking people out in HDTV. Anways, when we came across your site, by the name alone we immediately knew it was pure gold. It was like Milhouse's ridiculously great quote: "so this is what it feels like.......... when doves cry"

And we know you're at home reading all these glowing emails aloud to yourself while wearing a John Miller bald cap and Craig Sager's sailor suit.

- The Sports Hernia

(Warning NFL Adam from The Hater Nation lays into all of us with this one. Please remember this is a Roast and is all in jest. P.S.- This is freaking hilarious.)

It is great to be here for Awful Announcing’s pity party, self-produced birthday party. You know the person in your office (typically a woman) who obsesses over their own birthday? Am I the only one picturing AA in a short-sleeved dress shirt and tie, holding a balloon in celebration today? Like he is an extra from Apollo 13 or something?

But congratulations to Awful Announcing, I must say, I was told to be here.

They say those who can’t do teach. Or else they start sports blogs called Awful Announcing. Apparently, some other blog spot account already had taken the name, “I am so void of self-esteem, the only recourse I have left in my miserable life is to sit here and make fun of professionals who will make more money that I can ever imagine and bang hotter broads in leather pants.”

So yeah, maybe Awful Announcing was more succinct.

But give credit to Awful Announcing for filling a void that was desperately needed in the blogsphere, more annoying white guys complaining about stuff.

Yeah, Fire Joe Morgan was just too hard to digest, so luckily somebody was able to fill that void. But you have to hand it to Awful Announcing; he’s as smart as Pamela Anderson, looks like Steven Hawking and sounds like Bill Simmons. Funny that AA will make fun of announcers when he himself comes across like he has the personality of Terry Shiavo.

And lets take a look at some of the links to the left here......

Awful Officiating: That’s original. Listen kid, he links to everybody, you didn’t have to kiss his ass so much.
Boi From Troy: Yeah, the gay thing is so 2001. Tony Dungy says your time is over now.
Dan Shanoff: Ralph Wiley has a better post-ESPN career than you. Maybe if you gain about 600 pounds you can be Jason Whitlock.
Deadspin: Never heard of it.
Flash Warner: Made a career of playing soccer, now her site look like she types with her feet. I’d convert to a Notre Dame fan if I thought it gave me a chance with her. But that would mean she has some standards.

Come on people, this is a roast.

NBX: Great idea, hey kids look at how much money you could have won if you really gambled. Probably developed by the same guys who thought candy cigarettes, and child’s heroin were a good idea.
Mr. Irrelevant: That fits. Found a way to make AOL more boring.
One More Dying Quail: One more dying sports blog. If this blog was a Costner movie, it would be Dances with No Readers.
Our Book of Scrap: More like another blog full of crap.
Pacifist Viking: I feel like I took a boat cruise with the Vikings every time I read this thing.
Signal to Noise: That noise is a voice in your head telling you to stay away.
Squeeze Play Sports: Like the Clippers they root for, chronic under achievers.
The 700 Level: Perpetuating the stereotype that all Philly fans are boorish and illiterate. The only blog that needs an on-site jail.
The Big Lead: Colin Cowherd has done enough.
The Big Picture: Like The Hater Nation with f-bombs, only without the funny.
The Mighty MJD: Why is my mental picture of a 5-foot-2 Jewish dude with an afro pretending to be black. Am I far off?
Wasting Company Time: Wasting his life.
With Leather: Was Sports By Brooks too tough to follow along?
YAY Sports: Boo!

The Hater Nation:
This site was a lot funnier when it was called Divealanche. A site devoted to hating on Raiders fans. Nice easy target. What does this guy do on his free time, fight fifth graders?

But in all seriousness, congratulations to Awful Announcing and all of the other wonderful blogs who do this stuff for free. When Cowherd brought down the Big Lead, that showed what an impact we are all having here. Congratulations to everybody and good night.

- The Hater Nation

Congrats on the first birthday. We had ours back in March. As a nice little birthday present, we added AA to our blogroll. We've been meaning to do it for awhile now, but we're kinda slow to update it sometimes.

Watch and be amazed as you get 30 more visits a month because of us!

Keep it real and congrats

- The Postmen

Happy birthday to Awful Announcing, who's proprietor, Brian Powell, was the first and only guest in Blog Show history. Coincidence? I think not.

- Mister Irrelevant

Happy 1st Bday AA! - if you are going to roast yourself, or have others roast you, you have to include some of those AWFUL plays on words you have had in the musical links posts! like :

This is why I link

Your linkin away everything

To the link, to the link (you must not know bout link)

the link beneath my wings

If I link here
If I just link here

AA, I love ya, but those are horrible!!

- Wasting Company Time

Dear, darling AA,

HOW COULD YOU. You treat me to one of the most passionate nights I--nay! ANY WOMAN has ever known, we swear eternal fealty, and what happens? I come back from three years in the Peace Corps to find you're...a SPORTS BLOGGER?? I'll be at the pub tomorrow night. You know, the old place. We need to talk.

Love forever,
Holly from Ladies...

Happy Birthday Asshole,
Your site sucks. You need to stop checking out cheerleader's asses. Or take your head out of 'em.

Yours Truly,
Keith Jackson (Larry Brown Sports)

Happy Anniversary. I just found your blog a few weeks ago thru a link of another blog. I don't recall which one but now I come to yours daily.

I think it's a great idea. As someone who has been in broadcasting (radio dj) since 1983 I know at times it's difficult to be funny or original, people say dumb things, etc. But most of the broadcasting industry needs a site like this. Many are too full of themsleves and it's good to knock those folks down a peg or two when they deserve it.

Great job on the blog,
Steve

I'm proud to be the 7th person to comment on this great blog of yours. As a matter of fact, you could say that my blog's title and purpose, (Stupid Sideline Reporters)was a spinoff of Awful Announcing. Because I can't stand 2 things: Stupid questions from sideline reporters, stupid remarks from announcers.

Congrats on the 1 year mark AA.

- Stupid Sideline Reporters

AA, excellent work. I wish you many more years of quality blogmanship and pray that you and your blog do not end in divorce like so many marriages in this country.

- GMoney

I wish I could find something to bash you about, but I'm drawing a blank. You done good.

- Complete Sports

Um...nice ballon/teddy bear logo? Zing!

- La Revolucion

You are who we thought you were. Happy Birthday!

-Dennis Green (Cheswick the Cat)

(And finally the obligatory comment from a friend. One that endured countless live-blogs when all he wanted to do was watch The Daily Show.)

Wow a year! It seems like just yesterday I assured you that any idiot could start a blog. Well AA I am proud to say you are not just any idiot. Only you could be so bold as to pick a subject matter that by its nature prevents you from ever being acquired by the "leader" or other respectable (read, rich) organization. Like a monk you implicitly reject the monetization of hours of labor. Like a monk you chose to "re-skin" your site in something so drab and uninviting that it actually makes me yearn for the warmness of a jail cell. Like a monk you have chosen to alienate yourself from the very community you so desperately wish to be a part of ... ok so thats not at all like a monk, thats just like all the other idiot bloggers ...

Congratulations Brian! You are truly a living example of the American Blogger Dream. Next stop a Brian Powell Wikipedia entry that you get your girlfriend to write for you!

Seriously though I'm honored to have been there at the beginning and to have been sent an email asking me to come roast you ... because I removed AA from feed reader months ago and would have never known.- Brenden

Thanks also to OMDQ, YAY Sports, Dan Shanoff, Lion In Oil, and Mondesi's House for putting a post up in AA's Honor

There you have it....look at all the love (and randomness...Holly?). You all took the idea of a Roast and f'ing ran with it. Thanks for the "kind" words and just remember that when you turn one....I'm going to destroy you.

XOXO,
AA

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:48 AM

7 Comments:

This just made my morning. Great stuff, people. We should do more stuff like this in the blogsphere.

NFL Adam said...
May 16, 2007, 12:57:00 PM  

Adam wins the roast. Nice job, folks.

Signal to Noise said...
May 16, 2007, 1:26:00 PM  

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. I had no idea this was going on because I've been stuck ferrying my girlfriend's Philly friends around Denver for the past three days.

I mean, last night I was at a fucking Bjork concert. Bjork! I could've been writing jokes about AA claiming to be an athlete. Come on, man! I didn't know that pasty, unfunny guys beating off to Billy Packer YouTube clips was a Division 1 sport, but I'm sure Lloyd Carr will be calling shortly to see how much eligibility you have left.

May 16, 2007, 2:15:00 PM  

NFL Adam is the Jeffery Ross of the Blogroll.

SteveJeltzFan said...
May 16, 2007, 3:14:00 PM  

great job, adam. and happy birthday, awful announcing!

mutoni said...
May 16, 2007, 6:55:00 PM  

What does this guy do on his free time, fight fifth graders?


third graders, folks. and he spits game at 16-year olds.

happy b-day, AA. perhaps we can all chip in and buy you that hot pole vaulter to play with. or a hooker.

May 16, 2007, 11:59:00 PM  

Hi, Nice stuff. I found a cool news widget for our blogs at www.widgetmate.com. Now I can show the latest news on my blog. Worked like a breeze.

Anonymous said...
Jun 14, 2007, 9:51:00 PM  

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