Point (Fast) Break

Monday, June 12, 2006

So the highlight of the Finals for me so far hasn’t come during play…..(which has been dreadful by the way)……it came in the Pregame before Game 2.

Coming out of an awful piece involving Ahmad Rashad and Shaquille Oneal (apparently it was about some bowl that has something in it that Shaq nor any of the rest of the Sorry Ass Heat will reveal. I only caught the tail end of the story, but I can tell already I don’t really care). Well the gem came immediately after when Stu Scott (don’t worry he’ll have his moment on this site) stated, “The rest of the Heat players know what’s in the bowl, they know what’s in there….and they ain’t talking.”

Mark A. Jackson, the number two player in career assists, replied, “Man, I’d love to rob a bank with those guys!”

Um what?!?! Excuse me? I don’t even want to take the whole “sterotype of black athletes” angle because that’s not my bag, but come on. That’s the last thing a former star in the NBA should be saying before a major broadcast. No I won’t take that angle….I will take the angle that immediately came to me, and that’s making fun of it.

I first imagined Mark assembling a rag-tag ensemble of former NBA stars who have gone on to broadcasting careers, in Point Break’esque fashion wear the masks of former white NBA Superstars, and terrorize banks up and down the California Coast. Here’s my list:


Mark A. Jackson- Dressed with a John Stockton mask of course. Stock is the man he is second to in assists and seems only natural. Mark is the ringleader and drives the getaway car.

Reginald Wayne Miller- Dressed in a Larry Bird mask. Reggie Miller is riding shotgun on this trip.

Charles Wade Barkley- Dressed as former teammate Tom Chambers. Chuck is the muscle in this gang, is crazy, and flies of the handle at times. It’s Mark’s job to keep him in check.

Earvin Magic Johnson- Dressed as Pistol Pete Maravich. Magic is the one with “nothing to lose” if you catch my drift……he battles with Chuck as the crazy one in the gang. The two of them work hard, but party harder.

William Theodore Walton- Dressed as a decoy…..Bill Russell. Walton is the heel of the group and his oafiness and overall absentmindedness is what causes the group to slip up on occasion. Walton is what you could call "Expendable" in Jackson's eyes.

Movie Tagline: 27 banks in three years - anything to (hit) catch the perfect (shot) wave!
(Yes, I have no life.......)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 6:14 PM

7 Comments:

who is keanu?

dave said...
Jun 13, 2006, 4:38:00 PM  

That is a debatable question....Jackson would be Swazye. Would have to be someone Johnny Utah'esque.....

AwfulAnnouncing said...
Jun 13, 2006, 4:43:00 PM  

How about Jay Williams as Keanu (good college career + injury to end pro chance) & Coach K coming out of his shell to be Gary Busey.

But then its no longer all-NBA...

dwightG said...
Jun 13, 2006, 5:34:00 PM  

Good point Dwight....but since Coach K almost signed with the Lakers....I'll allow it!

AwfulAnnouncing said...
Jun 13, 2006, 5:42:00 PM  

The worst part about the Rashad piece, if it was about what you say it was about (I didn't see it), is that there is no mystery about what's in the damn bowl.

Palm Beach Post already spilled the beans.

David Arnott said...
Jun 13, 2006, 6:00:00 PM  

Wow...that's just dumb. So that makes Pat Riley a genius. Like I said before...I knew I wouldn't care. Thanks for the heads up David A.

AwfulAnnouncing said...
Jun 13, 2006, 7:00:00 PM  

Bill Walton? Oafy? Surely this video proves otherwise...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtM4Ku2EDLk

Anonymous said...
Jun 13, 2006, 11:07:00 PM  

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